And I understand with deep compassion how you are feeling, because a few years ago I lost one of my four sons, Oliver, to cancer when he was 16 years old.
I survived not only the loss of my dear son but also the loss of my husband some years later from addiction related to the loss of our son.
Confronting this loss and creating joy and meaning in my life again has been the most difficult experience of my life so far, and because of that, I truly understand the difficulties and challenges you are facing.
When I lost Oliver, I experienced all the emotions you’re probably struggling with too – I felt sadness, grief, depression, anger, regret, and hopelessness. I felt let down and betrayed by God, the Universe, and how things are supposed to work. And in the very rare moments, I dared to look forward, I instantly felt consumed by guilt that I would be leaving Oliver behind.
And yet, as time passed, I started to experience tiny breakthroughs that made me realize I was starting to heal, whether it was getting dressed, going for a walk, being more present for my other sons, or meeting a friend for coffee.